Dating Married Woman - Yes, I relapsed

by Shawn
(Texas)

So this is Shawn again and I relapsed, contacted her again and basically picked up where we left off. Now here I am today, feeling horrible, wishing I had left it as it was. She finally moved out of the house she shares with him. According to her, she told him she wanted out and moved in with her mom. I believe this is true, as I've called her at various hours at her mom's house and she's been there.

But yesterday was his birthday and she told me he had taken both yesterday and the day before off. Well, she told me she was going over to the house they shared the night before his birthday so they could talk about how to proceed with the divorce, finances, etc.

Actually, let me back up just a minute before I go further. We live in separate states and basically, she wanted me to come get her and bring her to mine, into my home. I of course wanted her to be divorced first. Okay, so back on track, she tells me she is going to discuss the next step with him.

Well, I hear nothing from her. No emails (like she normally sends every evening), no nothing. As a result, I know something is up. I send her an email asking if she is still there. I go to sleep. I wake up the next morning and she has sent me an email at 2:30am saying yes, she is still at their house and had fallen asleep. She claims there was no sex (as she puts it, there never was hardly sex anyhow) and that he was so boring, he put her straight to sleep. But she did say she felt guilty that he was alone on his birthday and felt powerless to tell him no, she did not want to spend his birthday with him.

So I tell her I'm not stupid and due to my jealousy, I accuse her of having sex with him and then driven even further, I say really mean things such as I should get an STD test. Yeah, she may be an adultress, but I do feel bad for saying those things.

So today she has slung all kind of crap my way. Telling me I have jealousy issues, etc because she did nothing wrong other than discuss their next step.

Yeah, I know she's full of crap and relieving her own guilt by throwing everything back on me, but it doesn't make me feel any better. I want to be done with her. I want for this nightmare to be over, so I can breathe again and get my life back on track.

I've spent since June of last year with her telling me she's moving out, only to come up with some excuse at the very last minute. Yet telling me she loves me and wants to be with me.

Please pray for me to stay strong this time.