He Toldl Me He Was Getting a Divorce

by Caroline
(Chicago, Il)

I met him online. I had broken up with someone a couple of months previously, and I was determined not to fall into my pattern of grieving for a year before dating again. Coincidentally, my relationship ended because my fiance became reacquainted with an ex girlfriend from graduate school. He friended her on Facebook on Oct 31st, and by the first week of December our relationship was over. After spending a horrendous Christmas alone, I decided that I would make a serious effort to meet someone new. This would be it, I told myself.

There was someone out there for me. I was a very pretty woman, and I had a kind heart. Surely, there was someone for me?

Well, there was. I met him on an online dating website, and we seemed to click right away. My profile said that I was interested in a long term relationship, and that I was hoping to get married again someday. I was seeking true love. His profile said the same. He contacted me and his wit, charm, way with words, all endeared him to me. He did not have a picture on his profile, but I didn't know at the time that this was a telltale sign of a cheating husband, or prowling wife. He told me that he was a prominent attorney, and was reticent about putting his pic online.

We talked on the phone, and decided to meet in person for a drink. He looked older then his profile stated, but he was just as charming and witty in person. I admit it, he swept me off of my feet, and I felt a very deep connection with him.
He told me he was getting a divorce, and that his divorce would be done in about eight months. He said he was currently separated, and living in the city. He was an attorney by trade, and a partner in a law firm.

After our first meeting, we agreed to meet up again, and talked on the phone a lot. At first he called me from a "private number," but again, I chalked this up to him being cautious about meeting someone on line. After a while he did let me have his phone number. We talked a lot, often made plans, but his busy schedule always seemed to make getting together very difficult. When we did meet, it would be as if there was no one else in the bar or restaurant except us. Our plans to meet up continued to fall through, and his excuse was always work, or dealing with his family issues.

Having been through a divorce before, I was keenly aware of how difficult it could be. I tried to extend him the benefit of the doubt, and tried to be supportive. He was also very good at sounding convincing. He kept me hanging on with his protestations of affection for me. I began to notice that he'd only call me during the week, and that we would never spend any time together during the weekends. This began to raise my suspicions.

Finally, I called him on it. We were supposed to go out of town together, and the week before we were to leave, he again made plans with me and blew me off. I had gotten all dressed up to meet up with him, and he claimed that he was in a deposition. I told him I would meet up with him whenever he was done. I would wait up all night, I said, keenly aware that I was painting him into a corner. After much arguing via text messaging he finally admitted to me that I was right. He was indeed married, and needed "time" to "figure out" what he was going to do.
I spent the night crying, bought myself dinner, and went home feeling dejected.

This was very painful for me, and I think this would classify more as an emotional affair. Our bizarre romance lasted around 6 months, and it hurt me very deeply. The thing that is most disturbing about it is that he really went out of his way to build up my feelings for him. It was almost as if he wanted me to be deeply attached to him, then just keep me in limbo.

He has apologized for hurting me, but at the end of the day, is he really? I had no intention of hooking up with a married man, and he misrepresented himself to me. If i had known he was married, I wouldn't have even spoken to him. I try to lead an ethical life, and believe that marriage is a sacred thing. I think he was trying to get me attached to him so that when I did learn the truth I would be more likely to have an affair with him. I admit it, I did consider having an affair with him because I did love him. Things ended before it escalated to that level, however, but I can clearly see how a well intentioned woman could get seduced into such a situation. Of course, a woman would have to be stupid to fall for all of that, but when you are emotionally involved, you don't always think clearly. You rationalize, and in my case, the married man was very, very convincing.

In the end, he is still with his wife, and I assume still trolling online to flirt with the idea of having an affair. I am sure he has had many liaisons with other women over the years, emotional and otherwise, and I am sure his wife is in serious denial. He will never leave her, and yet he will spend the rest of his married life being unfaithful to her. I feel very sorry for this woman, and I am sure that deep down inside she knows. The reality would be just too painful for her, so she pretends it isn't happening.

So, ladies, you may think your husband is faithful and coming home to you each night, but I can tell you that there are many, many married men that are online trying to hook up with women. Some of them lie about it, as my married man did, and others are quite upfront about it. The ones that are up front come right out and say they are married and looking for someone to have sex with. They of course mention how discreet they are, which is pretty laughable. They use Craigslist, Plenty of Fish, and of course, that site, Ashley Madison, whose slogan is,"Life is short; have an affair."

It's truly heartbreaking and sad to be a pretty single woman and have to wade through the muck of married men online. Ladies, your husbands are online trying to hook up with women like myself, women who are more often then not simply trying to meet someone with whom they can have a real relationship. I got my heart broken, and after going through this I have lost all of my faith in love. I have to wonder, "Is anyone faithful? Does anyone ever really love their wives?" All I can say is that I know I will never meet this man's wife, but I wish I could tell her how sorry I am for kissing her husband, falling in love with him, and contemplating having an affair with him. I wish I could tell her, but of course I can't.